- Charge passengers a fee that's proportional to the total weight of the passenger plus all his/her baggage, both carry on and checked.
- Offer passengers stationary bicycles and other exercise machines to prevent DVT, but secretly use the machines to drive electrical generators, which can power such non-essential systems as entertainment, lighting and navigation.
- Offer passengers free refreshments in the terminal. Lace the refreshments with laxatives and diuretics. 1, 2
With lots of creative planning, we can yet again save our beloved airline industry.
1 Empty passengers are lighter.
2 Whatever they leave behind can be used as bio-fuel.